The testimony of the defendant and the alleged victim. They both said they met each other at a bar and within a few minutes they went into the men’s bathroom to do some coke. They both said they had sex. The defendant said it was consensual. The alleged victim said she was raped. The one person they said disrupted the encounter never took the stand.
Some photos of bruises on the defendant’s right arm taken 48 hours after the incident. These were consistent with bruises one would get from someone restraining her from behind, but the defendant did not remember being held like this. They were also yellowing which implied the injury might have occurred earlier than the incident.
A medical report from an exam two days after the incident. There were no injuries beyond the arm bruises, but that wouldn’t be inconsistent with rape. The statement taken at the time was very similar to what the defendant said on the stand, but did differ in some important ways. In the statement she says she was “very drunk” and did not remember actual sex. On the stand, she said she was not very drunk, was well aware of what was happening, and did remember actual sex.
After two days of deliberation, at least 11 of us thought it was more likely that the defendant committed rape than not. But our job was to presume innocence and only convict if the evidence convinced us beyond a reasonable doubt.
Could we come up with a plausible scenario that was consistent with the evidence AND consensual sex? It didn’t have to be his story, but it couldn’t be her story. Was it plausible that she lied about what happened? Could it be that she went along with it willingly (but not enthusiastically) and then regretted it? Could it be that she thought her friends or her boyfriend would hear about what happened? Could it be that she felt that the high price of saying it was rape was lower than the high price of her boyfriend finding out that she had consensual sex in a bar bathroom while he was away with his friends for the weekend? Yes. I think it’s unlikely, but plausible. Every other person on the jury thought it was at least plausible too. So we rendered a Not Guilty Verdict.
We followed the rules given to us by the judge and did our job. And we let a man who probably raped a woman go free. It doesn’t feel good, even though I’m also sure we didn’t put an innocent man in jail. I don’t want my girls to grow up in a world where, if a man is alone with a woman (in a bathroom, in a car, in bedroom, …), it’s just not that hard for him to rape her and get away with it. Especially if she’s drunk and scared. Is the burden of proof too high? Do we need to change the legal definition of consent? What can we teach our daughters to protect them? These are the questions I’m struggling with in the aftermath of this trial.
When you spend three days trying to imagine exactly what happened between a man and a woman in a bar bathroom, it haunts you. This isn’t like watching a movie. You’re trying to imagine yourself there. You’re thinking hard about what’s possible, what’s plausible, what’s likely, and what you know for sure. And we literally spent several hours each day for three days doing this. I wasn’t in that bathroom, but these scenes are seared into my memory. We intently studied the faces of the defendant and victim on the stand in the court room looking for clues and insights into their credibility. There are so many details I’ll never forget.
]]>My dad’s memorial service was last Saturday. Here’s what I had to say:
Thank you all for coming today to remember and honor James Russell McKee III.
I want to take a few minutes to talk about who Jim McKee was and what he meant to me as a father. Jim McKee was born in the Bronx on July 7, 1942. As a kid, he loved riding his bike, and swimming and playing in the woods. He was raised Catholic and read Ayn Rand. He joined the navy, drank too much, and met my mother at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I asked her the other day why she married him. She said he was smart, funny, and (of course) very good looking. In less than a year he had had his first kid (me) and that marriage had fallen apart. As far as I can tell, he spent far more time working than working on the relationship.
He met Chris, his second wife, at another AA meeting and for a while, this went better. He had two more kids, two cats, and an idyllic house in Teaneck. I had some of the best times of my life in that house. My dad wasn’t much for long conversations, but he helped me with my math homework, argued with me about baseball, and watched tv with me. He even tried to explain what he did for work, first as a market researcher for the New York Times and later as a computer programmer for Windsor Systems. And he worked a lot.
Then the whole thing fell apart about as badly as you could possibly imagine. I will skip the details here, but within a year, he was unemployed, living alone, and having seizures regularly. A big part of this was his own doing, but he also got really unlucky. For example, he lost his job because he had a seizure at work and his boss said he couldn’t risk that happening in front of a client.
He met Judy, his third wife, in a psychiatric hospital. I don’t know anyone that would have benefitted more from Internet dating than my dad. She was crazy, but had a big heart. Dad seemed to learn from his earlier mistakes and as far as I could tell, they had a great relationship. I watched my dad’s patience and compassion with her mental illness right to the bitter end.
For most of his last thirty years, my dad was a devout atheist and socialist. Most of the time he was rational and compassionate. He read widely until it was just too hard to read, but he kept up on the news with MSNBC right up to the end. In 2007 he wrote a letter to the editor of the Bergen Record. Here’s one paragraph:
I also consider myself to be an ethical person, that is I try my best to live the golden rule, not because I fear where I’m going when I die, but because I think it’s the right thing to do. It is not necessary to believe in a divine or supernatural being in order to be a kind and loving person. I think that churches rather than being so called houses of worship should be converted to places where people could gather together for social reasons, and if considered necessary, to preach only idealism.
On many days my dad was confused. He would try to convince me that Google had bought Apple, and he would regularly try to rewire his apartment to “fix” his computer. But even on these days he was patient and kind. I would try really hard to be patient and kind back, but it was hard. He was a great role model.
So here are the lessons I take away from my dad’s life:
I think he would have really appreciated us getting together and celebrating his life rather than mourning his loss. So let’s share stories and laugh and appreciate the time we had with him. Thank you.
]]>I don’t go to a lot of concerts, so when I do, the stakes are high. That’s especially the case now that I live in Ithaca where you have to drive three hours to see anyone who’s not sitting on a stool playing an acoustic guitar. Thursday night my friend Kelly and I drove to the Clifton Park Concert Hall to see French heavy metal band Gojira. The whole experience was awesome.
I fully expected the music to be amazing, and it was. I love Gojira. Their early albums are super-heavy and they’ve become more interesting over time. If you’ve never heard them, I highly recommend their last two albums which are super-catchy and accessible. And then there’s their concept album (From Mars to Sirius) that mixes death metal and whale songs. Sounds ridiculous, but it totally works. The band is from the wild Brittany coast and all their albums are infused with environmental sensitivity.
They played a nice mix of old stuff and new. Joe’s stage banter was fun. Mario’s drum solo was awesome and I thought I was burnt out on drum solos. Really the only disappointment was that they didn’t play The Axe, my personal favorite Gojira song. I guess I’ll have to see them again for that.
Metal fans get a bad rap. People think we’re all a bunch of aggro meat heads. Well most metal fans are actually pretty nice guys, and the crowd at this show was the kindest and sweetest I’ve every seen. Some evidence:
Lots of smiling throughout.
When anyone would stumble in the mosh pit, everyone around him would stop to give him a hand up. It was like competitive helping.
One dude stopped to tie his shoes in the mosh pit and no one knocked him over.
Another guy was actually drinking a beer in a plastic cup in the pit. He’d get bumped occasionally and splash the people around him, but they’d just laugh.
I saw plenty of fans throwing the horns (pinkie and fore-finger), but multiple folks were putting their hands over their heads in heart shapes—Maybe throwing hearts is a thing now?
I noticed a fan wearing a shirt with a big swastika on the back of it and pointed it out to my friend. Then he said wait a second, it’s got a red circle around it with a backslash!
You know that guy at the metal show who doesn’t seem to know the band’s songs very well and is kind of drunk? He just loves getting violent in a pit. He’s always there, and this concert was no exception. I saw him during the opening act wearing a New England Patriots shirt—a pretty aggressive move in upstate New York. But then I talked to him during the break when he was loading up at the bar and he was super nice!
These are the kinds of things that happen when the singer says things like: “I want everyone to be in the moment!” “Put your phones away–I want to feel like I’m playing in the 80’s!” “Let your everyday problems float away and just be present and feel the love all around us!” Gojira is the best.
]]>You might think the world has plenty of iPhone 7 reviews. Maybe even more iPhone 7 reviews than it needs. You’re probably right, but the vast majority are written by nerds who upgrade their phones every year. Upgrading is a totally different experience for regular people who have waited two (or more) years. As a recent upgrader from a venerable iPhone 6+, I am here to tell you that it’s worth moving up to the latest and greatest.
Battery: After two years of use (including 4 tough months of Pokemon Go), the battery on my 6+ was in bad shape. Now I’m back to making it through a whole day without an external battery pack. Phew!
CPU/GPU: The 7+ is noticeably faster. Apps start faster and game animations are smoother. Nice.
RAM: The 6+ had 1GB. This wasn’t enough. Switching apps almost always required the app to start from scratch. Switching web pages meant watching slow reloads. All that’s gone with the 7+’s tripled RAM. I think this is the most noticeable improvement and it’s glorious.
Camera: The camera is higher resolution, better in low light, and has 2x optical zoom. Live pictures (which store a little bit of video before and after your still) are new since the 6. All this is neat and lots of folks will appreciate it more than me.
Other Stuff:
The 6 is a pretty good phone–Unless yours is broken, you don’t need to upgrade. That said, the 7 is a lot better and I notice the improvements every day.
]]>My girls are precocious. The seven year-old reads beyond her age, climbs trees higher than she should, and seems pretty interested in boys. The five year-old wants to do anything her older sister does. Right now, I feel like I have a handle on the situation, but the future scares the heck out of me. As Kelly Oxford has made abundantly clear, girls are vulnerable and many boys out there take advantage of it. And as Donald Trump has personified, many of these boys never grow up and instead just move to more powerful positions.
My plan is to continue to keep a close eye on my girls and try to keep the lines of communication open. I’ll also do my best to encourage friendships with kids that aren’t quite so risk-loving. Another idea I’ve had is to start playing more music with positive messages–Maybe it can be a subliminal influence. Here’s the start of a play list and I’d appreciate suggestions for additions:
There's something I want to tell you There's something I think that you should know It's not that I shouldn't really love you Let's take it slow When we get to know each other And we're both feeling much stronger Then let's try to talk it over Let's wait awhile longer
So come on baby, won't you show some class Why do you have to move so fast? We don't have to take our clothes off To have a good time Oh no We could dance and party all night And drink some cherry wine, oh
Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight Just a touch of the fire burning so bright And I don't want to mess this thing up I don't want to push too far Just a shot in the dark that you just might Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight
I’ve put the list on Spotify too.
]]>Some people reach midlife and buy a fancy red sports car to recapture their youth. I bought a fancy red unicycle that was on sale for Valentine’s Day at unicycle.com. I’ve since worked my way up to comfortably riding the six blocks or so between my office and my the parking lot each day. At first, the tiniest obstacles would totally throw off my balance. My messenger bag! A crack in the sidewalk! A slight turn! A breeze! I’m better now and it’s still super fun.
Every day I get smiles, finger points, and questions. The most common are “Where did you get that thing?” and “Is it hard to learn?” This makes me think there’s a nontrivial population of folks out there that are intrigued by the idea of getting and riding a unicycle, but don’t quite know what’s involved or how to get started. Don’t worry–I’m here to help.
There are really cheap (sub $100) unicycles out there, but I had one in middle school and managed to break it in just a couple months. The cheap ones also have really uncomfortable saddles. The good news is that even really nice unicycles are relatively cheap compared to bikes. Mine is a Nimbus 26” Muni (“Mountain Unicycle”). They cost $360 and are completely bomb-proof. The knobby tires look cool and it’s fun to be able to ride on dirt roads and grass.
If you’re pretty tall, then get a 26” wheel; otherwise get one with a 24” wheel. Anything smaller and you’ll be riding slower than you walk. If money isn’t a serious issue and you want something to ride around town, get a Nimbus II ($290)–It’s pretty darned similar to my Muni but with a smooth tire. If you’re on a budget, get a Club 26” ($150). The learning curve with any unicycle is steep, but you make a little progress each day. It might take several weeks before you can ride, and that makes the per hour cost super low.
So what’s the upshot of all of this? Just go to unicycle.com, buy one, and invest some time in learning to ride. You won’t regret it.
]]>Jason Snell recently wrote that once he invests the time to learn and get comfortable with a tool, it takes something not just a little better, but substantially better to get him to switch. His examples were software he uses to edit podcasts and his overall computer set up: He edits his podcasts with Apple’s Logic even though many folks think he should move to Adobe Audition. Similarly, he really likes a lot about working on an iPad, but it’s not enough to make him sell his Mac and go whole hog on iOS.
I tend to agree with Mr. Snell on most things and this is no exception. About a year ago, I was pleasantly surprised to find we both used the same grocery list app: Grocery IQ. Sure, it’s kind of ugly and barely maintained and littered with useless coupons, but it worked better than any other list app (general or grocery-specific) I had tried. And yet, when I saw the folks over at The Sweet Setup chose AnyList as their favorite grocery shopping app I was tempted–Could it be worth the switching cost? On the other hand, this is an app my wife and I both use several times per week so the bar was higher than usual. I bit the bullet and checked it out.
The short answer is that AnyList is way better than Grocery IQ and I couldn’t be happier that I switched. Here’s why:
From here on out, I’m going to be more open to trying new tools. In this case, I screwed up the cost benefit calculation on both sides: I couldn’t imagine the app could be this much better than what I was already using, and I over-estimated the switching costs–It’s not like a had a whole bunch of muscle memory invested in checking off items as I bought them.
]]>Adi Gildor was my best friend. He died last week. I still can’t believe it, but this is what I said at his memorial service:
I know I’m not the only person here who thought of Adi as their best friend. He was that kind of guy. We grew up together. We were still growing up together and we were supposed to grow old together. I gave the best man toast at his wedding, but I never ever thought I would be up here speaking today.
I can’t tell you how many times Adi called me over the last few years and said “We should go back to Moab to go mountain biking again” or “Let’s road trip to Mexico again,” and I would say “Definitely, but not yet.” Just like Adi, I’ve got two little kids, but my wife isn’t as cool with me going off on adventures without her as Rose was. We won’t get to do those things together now, but at least we did them the first time.
Adi and I met when we were in high school. We were just a couple of nerdy teenagers who thought we knew more than we actually did. Adi taught me how to curse in Spanish, how to appreciate Shakespeare, and how to recognize the hot peppers in Thai food. That last one, he taught me only after I ate one. He thought it was hilarious. We learned together how to avoid getting stuffed into lockers by the football players. And then we both grew four inches in college and didn’t have to worry about that sort of thing anymore.
There were things about Adi that never changed over the years.
He was the most generous guy I knew. He would literally give you the shirt off his back. One of my favorite shirts is one that Adi left at my house a few years ago. When I said I liked it he told me I should keep it. It was brown and a little shiny and had snaps. Rose remembers it. He would send me shoes and jackets too. We even had an ugly t-shirt club where we would send each other shirts and dare each other to wear them. I think I still have a My Little Pony shirt he sent me.
Adi knew how to have a good time. We went snorkeling in the South Pacific in a tiny country called Palau. We hiked and camped all over the 4 corners. We even bike-packed in Baja California where we drove on some of the worst roads you’ll ever see in my Honda CRX. It was never the same after that trip. I mostly stopped doing these adventures with him when kids were born, but he certainly didn’t stop!
You always knew where you stood with Adi. When he was mad, he would say I’m mad at you. And he would tell you why. Sometimes it was reasonable: I called you a week ago; Why haven’t you called me back? Sometimes it wasn’t: I told you to watch that movie a week ago; Why haven’t you watched it yet?
And he always had a keen sense of justice. I remember one time he was living in Colorado Springs walking his dog Eloise late at night. Some guys drove real fast right by them and Adi ran after them yelling. The car stopped and three of them got out of the car to ask if he had a problem. The guy talking was a lot bigger than Adi, so Adi hit him first. When he went down, the guy’s two “friends” took off. After giving the guy a pretty hard time, Adi felt sorry for him and I’m pretty sure Adi ended up giving him a ride home.
When Adi realized that the artsy Colorado Springs movie theater only gave student discounts to students at four year colleges, he wrote a letter about it to the local newspaper. And just a couple months ago he told me about confronting a couple guys at his gym who had the nerve to be drinking smoothies in the hot tub.
Adi would listen to advice, but at the end of the day, Adi followed his heart. Well after he finished college, he enlisted in the army and went through boot camp. Then he got tired of living in Massachusetts and moved to Colorado Springs. Why? He liked the high desert, the cheap living, and the great hiking, biking, and snowboarding. And it had a very good public library.
Adi figured out what he wanted and just did it. The best example of all is that he married the woman he loved. Sure, she was a lot younger than him. Sure, she wasn’t Jewish. He didn’t care. He loved her so he married her.
I never thought I’d see Adi “settle down”, but he did and he did it on his own terms. He grew up, he took responsibility, but he never stopped having fun. He had two kids, but they only made his life more fun. When I talked to him last week he told me about how had been running in the woods with Henry. They would play crazy make-believe games and when Henry got tired, Adi would put him on his back and run around some more.
Adi never cared about stuff. He cared about his friends, his family, and his lived experience. He loved doing stuff. Snowboarding, hanging out with people, arguing about ideas, making plans, reading. That’s why the way he died is so shocking. He loved living.
In my heart I believe that what happened that night was an aberration. It shouldn’t have happened and it was not who he was 99% of the time. I’m not going to deny what happened at the end, but I’m going to remember the Adi in my heart that loved his family, loved his friends, and loved life.
You can also watch the whole Memorial Service (including this eulogy) on YouTube. You can learn more about Adi and give money to his sons Henry and Arlo at YouCaring.
]]>A good friend who is a single mom recently published an article about the angst she feels on Father’s Day. She wonders aloud what her son might or might not be missing out on by growing up with only a mom in the house. I think there are a lot of misconceptions out there, and wanted to share my personal experience as an only (and male) child of a single mom.
Let’s get the biology nonsense out of the way first. I did not need a man around to teach me how to pee, how to shave, or about the birds and the bees. Holding your penis and aiming it at the toilet just isn’t that hard. Shaving a face is not that different from shaving legs. As for sex, my friends told me about the basics, and my mom taught me to treat women decently. There isn’t any secret knowledge about sex that fathers have to transmit to their sons. Or if there is, I seem to be getting by just fine without it.
I didn’t live with a “male role model,” and I’m not sure what I would have gained from it. People are different in many ways beyond gender. I didn’t have an athlete role model or a computer nerd role model in the house either but still managed to be a decent amateur swimmer and eventually a professional programmer. Then there’s the fact that role models don’t have to live with you. Teachers, neighbors, coaches, parents of friends can all be role models. My local Radio Shack Color Computer Club was loaded with role models. And finally, my mother was a terrific role model as a teacher, an artist, and a lifelong learner.
I did grow up with many “traditionally male” interests, and sure, it would have been nice to have a dad around who could show me how to hold a bat or identify sports cars we saw in the wild. But I had many other interests too. My mom took me to concerts, and plays and museums. She indulged my creative side and brought me to the beach all summer long. I got to have long uninterrupted conversations with her because it was just the two of us.
To be honest, the only thing I feel like I missed out on by having a single mom was getting to closely observe two adults in a healthy relationship. It took me some extra time to figure out how to create and maintain these kinds of relationships since they were new. On the other hand, many kids in two parent families don’t get to see that either and instead learn bad tastes and behaviors that are hard to break. I got to start with a clean slate.
The bottom line is that my mom did a wonderful job raising me, and I think most single moms have all the tools they need: Their kids are in great hands.
]]>My whole life I’ve hated going to the dentist. The sound of the drill. The smell of decay being ground away. Spitting out shards of teeth and blood. And let’s not forget the often intense physical pain. I know dentists do important work, and I know the world would be a lot worse without them, but I’ll never enjoy the experience of someone digging around in my mouth, and I’ll always dread my next visit.
My goal in this article is not to praise dentists in general, but instead, to express my sincere appreciation for three specific dentists who went above and beyond the call of duty to make my dad’s life better. My father has had problems with his dentures since the day he got them. That’s the downside of picking a prosthodontist because her office is one block away from your apartment. My dad needed someone new to fix his teeth or make new ones, but neither of us knew anything about dentists in northern New Jersey.
Dr. Gerald Alexander is my dentist in New Haven, and he’s the best dentist I’ve ever had. He takes pride in every aspect of his work, his office is spotless, and his staff are top notch. I know he treats them well because he’s had no turnover in the six years I’ve been seeing him. And of course, his actual dentistry is excellent.
Dr. A is well-connected, and I thought he might know someone good in New Jersey that could help my dad. Even though he didn’t, he did make a whole bunch of phone calls on my dad’s behalf, not stopping until he found someone close by that he trusted: Dr. Chetan Patil in Englewood.
Dr Patil is a periodontist and he was happy to see my dad right away. During our appointment his staff were patient and understanding. When Dr Patil finished checking out my dad’s gums, he could have just done the work himself, but he knew someone else who was a lot better with dentures than he was. Dr. Patil’s staff made a quick phone call for us, and Dr Javier Urquiola said he could fit us in as his last appointment that day. We rushed right over.
Dr Urquiola didn’t just throw out the existing dentures and start over. He spent an hour working to repair and adjust the old dentures and got a perfect fit for the top denture. The bottom partial was much improved but it wasn’t possible to make it stable. Dr. Urquiola stayed late that day to make an impression for a new one. Since then he’s worked with my dad (not the easiest patient) to make sure the new denture fits as well as it possibly can.
Thank you Drs. Alexander, Patil, and Urquiola. You are truly making the world a better place.
]]>When this song first hit pop radio, I hated it. It’s unoriginal, it drones on and on, and my kids love it so I can’t change the radio station when it comes on. The worst part is that it’s from 50 Shades of Grey, and makes me think of that creepy guy doing bad things to the girl whenever I hear it. On the other hand, it is catchy, and I do like the trashy Euro-disco stylings of Ellie Goulding. I’ve recently found one more reason to appreciate the song.
I was one of those kids who loved making mix tapes in the 80’s. I recorded my friend’s older sister’s Beach Boys singles with my little Radio Shack cassette deck. I also recorded all my favorite tv show theme songs on a single tape. I once made a mix that alternated Black Sabbath and Beatles songs just because I could. My hobby blossomed in the 2000’s with the arrival of iTunes and playlists. I was a little more mature, so the collections of songs I created then are a mostly more straight-forward; e.g., “My favorite Hair Metal” and “Totally Rockin 80’s Party”.
Perhaps the best play list I ever made was “Stammer Rock”. You would be amazed how many songs make stuttering a key element of the song. You would also be amazed by how many pop genres these songs span and how well they flow together. You don’t have to take my word for it: Now you too can experience the slightly absurd spectacle of Stammer Rock on Spotify. I challenge you listen all the way through without smiling and shaking your head.
]]>Over the last couple weeks, the most popular book in our house, by far, has been The Book with No Pictures by B.J. Novak. The gimmick is simple: When someone reads the book out loud, they have to say all the words. No matter how silly or ridiculous or preposterous or even nonsensical they might be. The reader may even have to sing the occasional song about eating ants for breakfast. Novak takes full advantage of this rule to induce huge laughs from the audience. The idea is partially ripped off from (inspired by?) Mo Willems’ We are in a Book, but it’s executed so well I can’t really complain.
Ever since we got this book, both kids (age 3 and 6) beg every grown-up that enters our house to read it. And how can you say to no to a kid begging you to read a book? Especially when you don’t know what’s coming? With many funny kids books, we can all laugh together. With this one, the kids are definitely laughing at the reader. Luckily this is a situation where quantity matters more than quality.
Sheila at Book Journey started It’s Monday! What are You Reading?, and Jen over at Teach Mentor Texts along with Kellee and Ricki at Unleashing Readers host kidlit versions. All three sites are great places to find new books for yourself and your kids.
]]>Dear Taylor,
When you decided to pull all of your music out of Spotify, the economist in me understood. You did a cost benefit analysis and realized the pennies per play you were getting from Spotify just didn’t add up to that many millions of dollars. That is, if you dropped Spotify like a bad boyfriend, enough Spotify listeners would be compelled to pony up for the album to make you even more money.
The catchy pop song enthusiast in me was less excited about your decision–My monthly Spotify fee is supposed to protect me from having to buy any albums at all. When you left, I was okay for a while because even though the first single on 1989 was good, I was able to shake off the temptation to purchase it since at any particular moment, it was playing on at least one local radio station.
Then came your second single which was better than the first. Even though it was on the radio almost all the time, I still had a blank space in my heart since I couldn’t hear it any tine I wanted. Bent but not broken, I stayed true to my principles and refused to buy.
Your third single was the best yet–exactly my style with that Alan Parsons Project inspired pure 80’s guitar line. I could not resist. I wasn’t strong enough. Spotify has my money and now you have another $9.09
(iTunes takes 30%
off the $12.99
purchase price).
Your whole album is a tour de force of syrupy sweet catchiness, and I am glad that I now own a legal copy of it forever. It can never be ripped away from me on some artist’s whim like all of my other Spotify favorites. And if I fall on hard times, I won’t need to pay Spotify (or Beats or rdio) to prop me up. My leglly purchased Taylor Swift albums will carry me through.
The problem is I’m not who I thought I was. I thought I was stronger. I thought I could stay true. You made me look in the mirror and see the real truth: A flesh and blood person with flaws and needs.
Darn you Taylor Swift!
Your frenemy forever,
Doug
]]>Now that we are deep into a winter that will seemingly never end, it’s time to look at a few classic children’s books that can carry us through.
Brave Irene (by William Steig, 1986) William Steig is one of the few authors I know who doesn’t shy away from true drama. He’s better known for Sylvester and the Magic Pebble which features parents bawling their eyes out over their long lost son, but in this book Irene has to brave a serious winter storm at night to deliver a dress her mom has made:
Irene pushed forward with all her strength and–sloosh! thwump!–she plunged downward and was buried. She had fallen off a little cliff. Only her hat and the box in her hands stuck out above the snow. Even if she could call for help, no one would hear her. Her body shook. Her teeth chattered. Why not freeze to death, she thought, and let all these troubles end. Why not? She was already buried.
Don’t worry, it all turns out wonderfully at the end, but boy, both my girls (and I) were on the edge of our seats the whole time!
The Hundred Dresses (written by Eleanor Estes, illustrated by Louis Slobodkin, 1945) R and I really enjoyed this Newberry Honor winning chapter book about two girls who tease a poor immigrant girl from Poland into moving out of town. Both girls feel bad, but one feels worse about it than the other. I don’t want to give anything away, but the story feels amazingly real, right down to the messy ending.
Moominland Midwinter (by Tove Jansson, 1957) Last week I was a guest on the Teaching in Higher Ed podcast and I one of my recommendations was Finn Family Moomintroll, another book in this amazing series of stories about Moomintroll and his friends and family which take place in magical land far to the north. The stories and characters are rich enough to appeal to adults but clear and exciting enough to capture kids’ imaginations too. It’s criminal how under-appreciated (and unknown) these books are in the United States.
Sheila at Book Journey started It’s Monday! What are You Reading?, and Jen over at Teach Mentor Texts along with Kellee and Ricki at Unleashing Readers host kidlit versions. All three sites are great places to find new books for yourself and your kids.
]]>Crabtree (by Jon and Tucker Nichols, 2013) Alfred Crabtree is a weird dude who loses his false teeth and spends the story searching his belongs for them. This takes a while because he seemingly never throws anything away. The quirky drawings, odd organization, and carefully typed captions are all hilarious. Jason Kottke (Internet-curator-extraordinaire) recommended this book, and he has yet to steer me wrong. The only downside is that it will be hard to find a copy to buy if your library doesn’t have one.
Welcome to Mamoko (by Aleksandra Mizielinska and Daniel Mizielinski, 2010) We actually got this book because we loved the authors’ Maps so much. The story is introduced with a big cast of characters and a question about each (e.g., “Olaf Brown has a big day ahead. Who helps him out of a spot of trouble?”). What follows is a sequence of double page wordless scenes with all the characters in different urban settings. Even my three year-old loves to try to figure out what’s going on.
Incredible Comparisons (written by Russell Ash, illustrated by Stephen Biesty, 1996) My 6-year-old loves books with bite-sized amazing facts, and in this DK book almost every fact is accompanied by a beautiful picture. A blue whale weighs as much as 26 elephants. The moon is as wide as Australia. Angel Falls is three times taller than the Eiffel Tower. The Great Pyramid weighs as much as 16 Empire State Buildings! Highly recommended.
Sheila at Book Journey started It’s Monday! What are You Reading?, and Jen over at Teach Mentor Texts along with Kellee and Ricki at Unleashing Readers host kidlit versions. All three sites are great places to find new books for yourself and your kids.
]]>I think it’s fantastic. You don’t need to be an expert to have something interesting to say. Regular people notice things experts don’t, and they often have a perspective closer to mine. Non-experts can also be incredibly entertaining.
As a consumer I’m careful not to take anything too seriously, but many folks are more trusting than me of the average blogger. As a producer, I worry about this all the time, as I love thinking and writing about things on the edge (or well over the edge) of my expertise. When I wildly speculate I try to be clear about it, but I feel a little bad that some readers might not notice.
It has turned out that the most common way for people to find this site is by searching for “are zebras mean” or “do zebras bite.” I don’t know jack about this subject, but that didn’t stop me from writing a few hundred words about it a couple years ago. African Safari guide Rory Young recently wrote a terrific article on Quora that shares real knowledge about why zebras can be so nasty. It makes me very happy to be able to send my potentially disappointed visitors on to some real answers.
]]>The fact is there are real gems hiding on the shelves of most libraries waiting to be discovered or rediscovered. That’s what you’ll find here: good books that I know can be found at at least one library (mine) and hopefully yours.
The Quiet Place (written by Sarah Stewart, illustrated by David Small, 2012) This book is told as a series of letters written by a young girl who moves from Mexico to the US. She starts nervous but excited and even though she has a wonderful mother and brother, she misses the family and home she’s left behind. Gradually, she makes a new home and new friends. I don’t think the author was an immigrant herself, but she really captures the experience and brought a tear to my eye.
Pish, Posh, Said Hieronymus Bosch (written by Nancy Willard, illustrated by Leo, Diane, and Lee Dillon, 1991) On the one hand, it seems totally insane to turn Bosch’s psychadelic visions of hell into a children’s book, but on the other, kids love big eccentric detailed illustrations (e.g., Richard Scarry’s Busy, Busy Town) and those are right in Bosch’s wheel house. This is the story of the artist, his housekeeper, and their unusual house, and it totally works.
Bog Baby (written by Jeanne Willis, illustrated by Gwen Millward, 2009) I love stories about kids who find animals, take them home, and then realize that wild animals need to be wild. Angelina Ballerina learns the lesson with a butterfly, Mole learns the lesson with a baby bird, and in this book, two sisters learn the lesson with a fantastical creature called a bog baby. The pen and ink illustrations are unique and beautiful.
AlphaOops: The Day Z Went First (written by Alethea Kontis, illustrated Bob Kolar) Why does A always get to go first? Z decides it’s time to mix things up and hilarity ensues. Both my girls (now 6 and 3.5 years old) thought this book was a lot of fun.
Sheila at Book Journey started It’s Monday! What are You Reading?, and Jen over at Teach Mentor Texts along with Kellee and Ricki at Unleashing Readers host kidlit versions. All three sites are great places to find new books for yourself and your kids.
]]>Over the summer I discovered a whole community of folks on the Internet who read and blog about kids books. It was very exciting and I had great fun reading their work and sharing mine here, here, here, here and here. Then the Fall came and I fell into the teaching vortex. Sunday nights turned into lecture preparation marathons, and I’ve been spending Monday mornings and afternoons presenting the fruits of this labor. I’ve scratched my blogging itch on Teach Better, but the Kid Book Review section of High Variance has lain fallow. What better way to celebrate my first Monday off in ages (for Thanksgiving Break), than with an #IMWAYR post!
When I was a kid, one of my very favorite books was The Fire Cat by Esther Averill. The main character was not bad or good–Like people in the real world, Pickles was a mix of both. He was born strong and ambitious, but with no idea what to do with his gifts. He spends his time terrorizing smaller cats, but eventually learns to be kind and finds his true calling working in a fire house.
It wasn’t until I went to buy this book for my daughter a few years ago that I discovered Esther Averill had written a whole series of wonderful books about cats living in New York City! And in 2003, the New York Review reprinted most of them with nice affordably priced hardcover bindings. The books revolve around the adventures of a shy but strong (stronger than Pickles even) black cat named Jenny Linsky and her friends in the Cat Club that meets in her garden.
The series contains stories for a variety of ages starting with the Jenny’s Birthday Book for very little kids, moving to The Fire Cat which is an early reader, and culminating in several chapter books like the The Hotel Cat and Captains of the City Streets, that make great bedtime reading.
If you’ve never had the pleasure of reading these books, the clear starting point is Jenny and the Cat Club where you learn how Jenny joined the club and meet all its colorful members. I can’t recommend these books highly enough.
Sheila at Book Journey started It’s Monday! What are You Reading?, and Jen over at Teach Mentor Texts along with Kellee and Ricki at Unleashing Readers host kidlit versions. All three sites are great places to find new books for yourself and your kids.
]]>I’ve been a sports fan my whole life, and I’ve always enjoyed seeing what people or teams can do when they push themselves as far as possible to achieve an extremely clear goal. Recently though, most of the big stories in sports have been about awful behavior of players, owners, and leagues:
These stories sometimes get people talking about important social issues, but I find the whole thing rather depressing. I’m tired of caring about and rooting for people and institutions that I can’t respect.
A week ago I decided to take a break from sports. I was inspired by a new book called Against Football, but it was the Adrian Peterson story and the reaction of other players to it that pushed me over the edge. Beating your kid with a stick until he’s bruised and bleeding isn’t right no matter how you were raised.
So: No more sports radio in the car. No more keeping up with the ESPN news feed. No more reading Grantland. No more listening to the BS report. It’s freed up quite a bit of time and I’ve found other ways to escape. I’m reading more kottke.org and catching up on my friends’ blogs. I’m getting more done at work.
At some point I’ll probably return to sports, but I want to come back for a good reason. I haven’t thought of one yet.
]]>This trip we followed a three-prong reading strategy: First we packed a bunch of our favorite paperback books. We would have liked to bring more, but our bags were pretty heavy already. We had a mix of chapter books for R and picture books for both girls. Second, we brought our whole library of ebooks on our iPads. I far prefer physical picture books and there aren’t nearly as many choices as I’d like, but there are some good ones and you can’t beat the weight. Third, we went to the local library as soon as we arrived and picked up a big pile of books.
These are our top picks for the trip:
On the iPad:
Would You Rather Be a Princess or a Dragon (written and illustrated by Barney Saltzberg) It’s a cute story that teaches kids that everyone has a little princess and dragon inside them.
Muddypaws (by Simon Mendez and Moira Butterfield) I find this story about a boy naming his new puppy a little brain-numbing, but both girls absolutely love it.
From the library:
James and the Giant Peach (written by Roald Dahl) One of my favorites as a kid turns out to be one of R’s favorites too. Dahl’s characters and dialog are just so vivid and funny.
Clink (written by Kelly DiPucchio, illustrated by Matthew Myers) If you liked Corduroy, you’ll like this story of an old toy robot who finally finds a boy who loves him.
Grace for President (written by Kelly DiPucchio, illustrated by LeUyen Pham) What an inspiring story of how a girl becomes president of her class.
Sipping Spiders Through a Straw: Campfire Songs for Monsters (written by Kelly DiPucchio, illustrated by Gris Grimly) Until I wrote this list I didn’t realize how big a part Kelly DiPucchio played in our vacation! Both girls are still singing these crazy songs.
Originally hosted by Sheila at Book Journey, Jen over at Teach Mentor Texts along with Kellee and Ricki at Unleashing Readers host kidlit versions of It’s Monday! What are You Reading? All three sites are great places to find new books for yourself and your kids.
]]>